Prayer is an attitude, not an action.  For when communion with the spiritual Father becomes a chore and coming to the throne of the Almighty for forgiveness is just a check box on the list, then prayer is not prayer but a way of talking to yourself in third person.  Did not God create the universe with but a word?  Did not God plague the Egyptians? Did not God stop the earth's rotation? Did not God open the ground beneath men to swallow them alive for their rebellion?  Did not God raise the little girl from death?  Did not God pour His full fury upon His most precious Son, allowed His Son to be tortured and mocked, forsook His Son so that He could adopt you into His glory and into His presence for all eternity?  Do you spit in face to say, "I do not really want to talk to you.  But You said I must pray, it is on my list of things to do. I will mumble a few words of gratitude that are not real so that I may feel better about myself.." Christian! God has asked you into His family!  The King who has the power to heal and to kill, to create and to destroy, to bless and to damn, He has invited you with the blood of His Son to come and eat from His table and to enjoy company with Him.  Do you ignore Him when He has given to you that which is most cherished in His heart?!

Remember that God is. And because He is, we should run to Him in humble praise, begging forgiveness for our wrongs, asking for His strength because we have none ourselves, thanking Him for every breath, pleading for His favor on unbelievers we wish would not perish.  God is deserving of more than a two sentence prayer before a meal.  If you do not want to pray, do not pray out of duty, just sticking it out.  If you do not want to talk to God, then ask Him for an attitude which would change your desires.  This request must be accompanied with an actual desire to desire prayer and a course of action to initiate a change of heart.  God will help you if you recognize your inadequacy to change yourself.  If it's any comfort, every Christian, including this author, has struggled with prayer.  The command to pray without ceasing is a very tall order indeed.  Tall, but not impossible.


Boyfriend Challenge

A need
A wink
A clean spare
A pair
A bloom
A glochid
Prickled love abounds

In loving honor of Mrs M of White Wave fame. No poet am I but your inspiration pushes me to attempt.



- I have just completed one of the busiest weeks of my 'away from the nest' life. High school reunion (which I feel too young for), bible study, small group events, birthdays, I don't even remember what I did Tuesday night (just checked the calendar, I was babysitting 5pm-12am). Life can get very crazy and unpredictable. But I actually knew I was going to be doing all this stuff before last week started. Still felt unexpected.
- And now, after a very long 192 hours, I’m feeling the effects of my nonstop activity. I’m tired after 10 hours of sleep, feel very warm, and have a sore throat. I don’t know if that’s from talking with friends for 14 hours on Saturday or if I’m actually coming down with something.
- Nonetheless, I am still looking forward to seeing my good friend Mrs M tonight… and getting a very long night’s rest after that. Though we live less than a block apart, I will be driving to her house. I don’t trust myself to walk or bike even that short a distance.

Ok, enough complaining!

- Actually, I am very thankful for the past week. Being able to spend time with my small group girls on Wednesday was such a precious time. We studied the love of God in our lives and He is the greatest gift of love ever given. I mean, He killed his own Son in a tortuous fashion, the full weight of His wrath upon the Beloved’s shoulders. That is love in purest form.  I can't wait to study His truth, goodness, sovereignty, mercy, and grace with these girls!
- I went to my favorite restaurant 4 times (^_^)
- High school reunion on Saturday was interesting. Had the opportunity to ‘make up’ with a friend I had had a falling out with about a year ago. An enormous pressure was lifted. We were able to just be friends again, no drama, no hard feelings. That’s the Lord’s grace right there. We each owned up to the fault that was ours and forgave each other and now we can be friends again! Yay!
- Babysitting again reminded me of just how fun little children can be… and how much I want one of my own! That will come in due time. I must be patient, but in the mean time, I can enjoy other people’s kids! Hahaha!
- I met a strange guy at a dinner for my small group leader who just turned *cough cough* last week. He was really funny but called a mutual friend his ‘slave’ and was just a little… odd. But we could be good friends because I’m a little… odd myself.
- The Lord has allowed me to continue my feeble life trying to somehow bring Him glory while stumbling through a sin-laden world. I pray He will give me more weeks to learn about His sovereignty and mercy… but I learn better with more sleep *hint, hint*



I love to organize.  Books.  Papers.  Socks.  Canned food.  It's very fun to know exactly where everything is AND have it look nice.  I usually know where everything is when it is heaped on the floor or stowed in a box under the bed, but that's not a fulfilling knowledge.  It's a knowledge, not only of location, but of need for action.  Yes, I know there are two towels in my laundry basket, nicely folded under a heap of clean laundry that needs folded or put on hangers.  But I ALSO know that I should have put them away two months ago when I first folded them.  And that I should fold and hang the laundry that's on top of them.  But I am too busy, and when I'm not too busy, I'm lazy, or working on other organizing projects.  I love the end result of putting things where they go, but the journey to get there, the lists and planning and rearranging, it's daunting.  Needless to say, next weekend, I'm hoping to get in three solid hours of work.  Starting with the laundry basket. 



My roommate at the conference is a 2 month old believer. She and I had the opportunity to hang out for 2 hours on Sunday morning before the session.  Over breakfast and coffee, she told me about some situations she was going through involving persecution and dealing with immorality in the workplace (artistry).  I was able to share with her some of my few experiences and pointed her to a few resources.  Then, the sovereign grace of the Almighty God, who loves her and knows every intimate detail in her life, allowed CJ Mahaney and Steve Lawson to share aspects of Himself to her.  He accomplished through those two men that which I feebly attempted while sipping on a frappuccino.  Assurance of her salvation, assurance of God’s omnipotence and omniscience, assurance of the power of the work that Christ accomplished on the cross.  She so needed these words that the Lord allowed her to hear.  I think I needed them too for we were both in tears by the end of each session, in awe of the mighty hand of God at work in the lives of two wretched sinners. *le conference audio



Yesterday was characterized by water:
shower with water, take pills with water, drive through water falling from the sky, drink water with lunch, learned that water gets into log rides, shoes filled with water, jeans easily retain water, cotton does not easily relinquish water, water used in special effects during shows, rides are based upon characters living in large bodies of water... with the prevalence of water in our lives, is it any wonder that Christ calls himself Living Water?  Water is essential. It is everywhere.  Without it, nothing would survive.  Christians, likewise, cannot live without the living water of Christ filling our minds constantly.  Have you read your Bible today?


oohhh shiny!

Do you ever get so uber excited that your muscles involuntarily tense and you giggle like a 6 year old girl?  I wouldn't know what that's like, of course, but I must say I am quite excited to be hanging out with my small group this Saturday, then picking up a bunk bed for a new roommate, then going to Disneyland with some of my old Bible study peeps after church on Sunday... Booyahhhhh I am so excited!!!

Also, I am in love with my new ninja blender. He is silver and black and makes 2 smoothies for me every other day so I can have a healthy breakfast with lots of fruits and some milk.  He is quite a nice blender.  Especially for being dishwasher-safe.  Maybe next week, he will make me some fresh salsa!

For the record, I despise all seafood.  except tuna - but only when doused in mayo and relish to kill the taste.


God is

Not "God is awesome." Not "God is perfect."  Not even "God is holy."  Just "God is."

He is awesome and perfect and holy. but He is more. He is everything and beyond.  Words cannot describe Him and the utter completeness of God can never be captured.  No man can comprehend all that the phrase "God is" can mean.  It's too high, too complex.  God is all, but He is not contained by all.

My brain has imploded from lack of ability to intake those two words.

And yet, my heart is glad because of it.  God is. God is!  GOD IS!!! That's so amazing! I'm still geeking out about it, after all these years I've known Him.
The Lord has control; I need not worry.
He made me; I can be content.
He has promised me heaven; I have hope.
He will never sin; I have confidence.
He cares for the broken; I have joy.

Eternity will bring so much more of His character and beauty to light that I cannot wait to join His kingdom and get to know Him so infinitely more and yet never fully understand and always be learning about Him and enjoying Him and though perfect, still yearning for more of Him and not the frivolities of earth... O for that day when my journey has ended!!!


Chaotic Awareness

I’ve been dubbed a scaredy cat many times. But for me, the term has taken on new dimensions. I am not just scared. Afraid. Jumpy. Nervous. I am terrified. Mortified. Shocked. I scream out of sheer terror when my father opens the door from the other side.  I shout from shock when my 44 year old “big brother” friend jumps out at me from around the corner.  When the lighting guy drops 36lbs of cables from the roof to the floor of my workspace.  When my best friend pokes me, just once, in the middle of my back, like only she can do. Chaotic awareness has been my downfall. I will die of a stress-induced myocardial infarction before I am 40. And if I don’t, then I shall become the “crazy old (scaredy) cat lady” of your neighborhood.


Just because I'm modest?

Apparently I look like a Mormon. 

I was walking in LA with a friend after dinner (probably not the safest thing to do but oh well) and we stopped to look at some lovely wrought iron work on a gate. A gentleman approached us, asking if we’d buy a book that he wrote. He was 82 years old, short, thin, but dressed in a nice suit. A grandpa style houndstooth type suit but hey, he’s old enough to be a grandpa. The book was about his life growing up in the middle east. Now my friend happens to know Arabic fluently and attempted to speak to the man a little in Arabic but this guy… my friend said he wasn’t legit. Maybe it was just a different dialect, I’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt on that. I purused the book a little and saw that the table of contents had a chapter about faith. This gentleman said that his acceptance of Christ as his Savior was the most important thing he’d ever done. I was really surprised and wanted to ask more about his theology. It took a while to get him to open up about it (he kept trying to push the $20 book on us) and when he did, I cried inside. He is a “deacon” at the local Mormon temple. In an attempt to maybe witness to him, we brought up the person of Christ and his place in the trinity. I learned that God the Father has a physical body and looks exactly like Jesus?? Weird. Oh, and if you get married in the temple, your marriage will last in eternity, but not in heaven. So I guess if you’re married Mormon, you can’t go to heaven so you are forced to go to your own planet and live and populate. But if you’re single when you die, or get married somewhere else, you’re stuck in heaven without a spouse forever? So confusing and strange. He was all about being clean and moral people.

This gentleman was mad that we didn’t buy his book, mad that my friend kept trying to speak to him (he really only seemed interested in talking to me), and he had the guts to ask for my number – to give to the young female missionaries at the temple of course.  And he said I'd make a great Mormon.  Well, maybe... except for the whole theology part.  They have a different God so it wouldn't work out for me.


Wanna get coffee?

I met with a friend last night.  I asked if we could be more than just friends. My proposal was accepted! I’m happy to say I now have a… discipler!  Mrs. M has agreed to keep me accountable and encourage me toward godliness. So now we’re more than buddies. And I once again have assignments :)


Because there really are bed bugs

I’m so not tired, I’m trying to come up with reasons to stay away from my pillow… sad times… So, I’ve started going to a Bible study at a higher education facility in my county. It’s pretty chill. 300 Asians and 8 white people cram into a room in the art center for amazing worship. From the name tag greeter people to the music to the preaching, it’s an awesome place to spend my Friday nights. Better than being alone at home watching MacGyver reruns. MUCH better. I bought my first tree on Saturday. It’s a money tree. And no, it’s not the kind with dollar bills pinned to a paper concoction, it’s a real living growing plant that has taken up residence, where else? In my accounting office. The boss says since I keep writing checks, now I’ll have a way to replenish the bank account. Too bad it doesn’t work like that bro… And if you don’t know anything about agriculture (or you haven’t been to Ikea in a while) here’s what I’m talking about. OK, enough sociability for this year… good night


Over a year...

...since my last post.  I don't think I have much to say either.

I moved far away from everyone. I'm still employed. I got my Accounting Associate's degree. My brother lost his first tooth.  I bought a motorcycle. I sold the motorcycle and got a car. I went to Hong Kong. I came back. I moved closer to everyone.  I saw snow in So Cal. I got sick. I got better.

I'm alive.

(in case there were doubts)