Apathy

As I began to read the appendices of Vanishing Conscience, the search for my next venture in literature commenced. Many titles have been suggested. Divine Design was first on the list. Then Humility crossed my mind. Great works such as Trusting God, Don't Waste Your Life, and Mere Christianity are also options.  These are all books I've either never read or started without finishing. Each is a great work based on truth found within Scripture, by authors whose words are trusted, tried, and true. But then I got inspired. This topic has been simmering in my mind and recent events have added a little more heat here and there, raising the temperature of my mind on the subject. Then today, I was in the midst of a "totally different" conversation, seemingly unrelated, when BAM! This topic rose to the surface and exploded all over my desk, dripping off the side onto the floor. No, I'm not talking about a shaken can of Pepsi. The subject is apathy.

Apathy is the death of the Christian.

I've used this phrase in a couple different contexts with believers from my church, feeling out how it is accepted or rejected. And guess what? I'd get a nod. Maybe a "yeah, you're right." But the responses to my statement on apathy were met with... well... apathy! Sure they agree. No one likes apathy in general. But they don't think. We are not a thinking culture. Do they realize the consequences of the apathy that is the foundation of so much of America? I don't believe folks my age, or kids younger than me, or even my parents' generation have come to grips with what is going on. Our brains have turned to mush. There is NO discernment. There is NO logic. There is no WISDOM!  Where does that put the church? If the individuals of the body do not understand the need for action, our APATHY will lead to our ATROPHY. Wake up. WAKE! UP! 

.... I apologize for the jumpiness of this post. I don't have the time to put all my thoughts out, nor do I have the desire to do so at this time. Why not? Because I have a plan. Which leads back to my book hunt.  I plan to reread Truth War, the book I based my High School thesis upon *ahem* years ago. I don't make a habit out of rereading literature, especially books. But I need to in this case. I'm on the search for information on truth vs error, apathy vs action, anything that will help me understand the Scriptural view of this laziness that has captured the hearts of believers and laid them down in a pasture when they're supposed to be RUNNING! I may update y'all from time to time, but I told my friend today, I need to write about this and share this with the people I love. It's not that I think they're all being lazy and need to hop to it. I am the queen of laziness. But I must start somewhere in my own personal battle against apathy, and here is the spot in which the Lord has placed me. My boyfriend (yes, I've been courting a few months) urged me to combine my love for writing, years under good teaching, and this Spirit-given, growing passion for truth within me, and to spread the Word to anyone who will hear it. I'm not a great writer, I'm not even a good one, but I love it, and I love Him. Maybe this is a way for me to learn. Maybe it's a way to encourage others. No matter the result, may God be glorified. Pray for me, those of you who know the Father, are born again, have a desire for His Word. And examine yourselves. Are you apathetic towards life? Are you indifferent toward the battle that rages around and among us? Are you geared for war or napping on the sidelines, hoping others will fight for you? Think about it.

See you in a few months, Lord willing.

Confession

I secretly...
... want to move back in with my parents.
... don't like studying business.
... want to marry a scientist or a pastor... or a pastor scientist!

I not so secretly...
... have been studying Russian.
... can't wait to go back home to West Virginia!

I proudly...
... fell in love with ultimate frisbee.
... will be attending the final Resolved conference this weekend!

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest :) 

Resolved has been one of the best experiences in my Christian life.  So much wisdom is poured down our throats, soothing our souls, filling our spirits, cleansing our minds, encouraging our hearts, and changing our passions.  This is The.Last.One. and I'm sad.  But God will continue to bless young adult Christians through other means, I'm sure. He always does His will and we can rest in that.  Sorry I'm random and short today, but that's kind of normal.  This post is totally off the cuff, unlike my normal ponder-for-hours-before-posting ordeal. I just wanted to encourage you to do one of two things:

A - Come to Resolved!  Day passes are available but coming for the whole weekend would be most beneficial.  You can register here.
B - If you can't come, livestream!  Here at work, it's fun to walk around the building during Resolved and Shepherd's conference because it's almost like surround sound; everyone has the livestream up and blasting!

See ya!

Dependence on God

A friend sent this to me a while back. It has been of great benefit and I thought I'd pass it on.

Acts 17:28 - For in Him we live and move and exist, as even some of your own poets have said, ‘For we also are His children.’
Romans 11:36 - For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen
Colossians 1:16 - For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities— all things have been created through Him and for Him.

Reality
Dependence on God is our actual state but not our natural perception.


Perceived?
Are you aware of your dependence on God?
No: Ignorant rebellion - Get educated!
Yes: continue...

Surrendered?
Do you yield your will to His and trust His plan?
No: Willful rebellion - Repent!
Yes: continue...

Outlook
What is your attitude toward this yielding?
Negative: Willful rebellion - Re-examine your surrender
Neutral: Negative outlook in disguise - Re-examine surrender
Positive: Correct Christian mindset - Continue to trust in God!

Cheesecake

Prayer is an attitude, not an action.  For when communion with the spiritual Father becomes a chore and coming to the throne of the Almighty for forgiveness is just a check box on the list, then prayer is not prayer but a way of talking to yourself in third person.  Did not God create the universe with but a word?  Did not God plague the Egyptians? Did not God stop the earth's rotation? Did not God open the ground beneath men to swallow them alive for their rebellion?  Did not God raise the little girl from death?  Did not God pour His full fury upon His most precious Son, allowed His Son to be tortured and mocked, forsook His Son so that He could adopt you into His glory and into His presence for all eternity?  Do you spit in face to say, "I do not really want to talk to you.  But You said I must pray, it is on my list of things to do. I will mumble a few words of gratitude that are not real so that I may feel better about myself.." Christian! God has asked you into His family!  The King who has the power to heal and to kill, to create and to destroy, to bless and to damn, He has invited you with the blood of His Son to come and eat from His table and to enjoy company with Him.  Do you ignore Him when He has given to you that which is most cherished in His heart?!

Remember that God is. And because He is, we should run to Him in humble praise, begging forgiveness for our wrongs, asking for His strength because we have none ourselves, thanking Him for every breath, pleading for His favor on unbelievers we wish would not perish.  God is deserving of more than a two sentence prayer before a meal.  If you do not want to pray, do not pray out of duty, just sticking it out.  If you do not want to talk to God, then ask Him for an attitude which would change your desires.  This request must be accompanied with an actual desire to desire prayer and a course of action to initiate a change of heart.  God will help you if you recognize your inadequacy to change yourself.  If it's any comfort, every Christian, including this author, has struggled with prayer.  The command to pray without ceasing is a very tall order indeed.  Tall, but not impossible.

Resolved

My roommate at the conference is a 2 month old believer. She and I had the opportunity to hang out for 2 hours on Sunday morning before the session.  Over breakfast and coffee, she told me about some situations she was going through involving persecution and dealing with immorality in the workplace (artistry).  I was able to share with her some of my few experiences and pointed her to a few resources.  Then, the sovereign grace of the Almighty God, who loves her and knows every intimate detail in her life, allowed CJ Mahaney and Steve Lawson to share aspects of Himself to her.  He accomplished through those two men that which I feebly attempted while sipping on a frappuccino.  Assurance of her salvation, assurance of God’s omnipotence and omniscience, assurance of the power of the work that Christ accomplished on the cross.  She so needed these words that the Lord allowed her to hear.  I think I needed them too for we were both in tears by the end of each session, in awe of the mighty hand of God at work in the lives of two wretched sinners. *le conference audio

h2o

Yesterday was characterized by water:
shower with water, take pills with water, drive through water falling from the sky, drink water with lunch, learned that water gets into log rides, shoes filled with water, jeans easily retain water, cotton does not easily relinquish water, water used in special effects during shows, rides are based upon characters living in large bodies of water... with the prevalence of water in our lives, is it any wonder that Christ calls himself Living Water?  Water is essential. It is everywhere.  Without it, nothing would survive.  Christians, likewise, cannot live without the living water of Christ filling our minds constantly.  Have you read your Bible today?

God is

Not "God is awesome." Not "God is perfect."  Not even "God is holy."  Just "God is."

He is awesome and perfect and holy. but He is more. He is everything and beyond.  Words cannot describe Him and the utter completeness of God can never be captured.  No man can comprehend all that the phrase "God is" can mean.  It's too high, too complex.  God is all, but He is not contained by all.

My brain has imploded from lack of ability to intake those two words.

And yet, my heart is glad because of it.  God is. God is!  GOD IS!!! That's so amazing! I'm still geeking out about it, after all these years I've known Him.
The Lord has control; I need not worry.
He made me; I can be content.
He has promised me heaven; I have hope.
He will never sin; I have confidence.
He cares for the broken; I have joy.

Eternity will bring so much more of His character and beauty to light that I cannot wait to join His kingdom and get to know Him so infinitely more and yet never fully understand and always be learning about Him and enjoying Him and though perfect, still yearning for more of Him and not the frivolities of earth... O for that day when my journey has ended!!!

Just because I'm modest?

Apparently I look like a Mormon. 

I was walking in LA with a friend after dinner (probably not the safest thing to do but oh well) and we stopped to look at some lovely wrought iron work on a gate. A gentleman approached us, asking if we’d buy a book that he wrote. He was 82 years old, short, thin, but dressed in a nice suit. A grandpa style houndstooth type suit but hey, he’s old enough to be a grandpa. The book was about his life growing up in the middle east. Now my friend happens to know Arabic fluently and attempted to speak to the man a little in Arabic but this guy… my friend said he wasn’t legit. Maybe it was just a different dialect, I’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt on that. I purused the book a little and saw that the table of contents had a chapter about faith. This gentleman said that his acceptance of Christ as his Savior was the most important thing he’d ever done. I was really surprised and wanted to ask more about his theology. It took a while to get him to open up about it (he kept trying to push the $20 book on us) and when he did, I cried inside. He is a “deacon” at the local Mormon temple. In an attempt to maybe witness to him, we brought up the person of Christ and his place in the trinity. I learned that God the Father has a physical body and looks exactly like Jesus?? Weird. Oh, and if you get married in the temple, your marriage will last in eternity, but not in heaven. So I guess if you’re married Mormon, you can’t go to heaven so you are forced to go to your own planet and live and populate. But if you’re single when you die, or get married somewhere else, you’re stuck in heaven without a spouse forever? So confusing and strange. He was all about being clean and moral people.

This gentleman was mad that we didn’t buy his book, mad that my friend kept trying to speak to him (he really only seemed interested in talking to me), and he had the guts to ask for my number – to give to the young female missionaries at the temple of course.  And he said I'd make a great Mormon.  Well, maybe... except for the whole theology part.  They have a different God so it wouldn't work out for me.

Because there really are bed bugs

I’m so not tired, I’m trying to come up with reasons to stay away from my pillow… sad times… So, I’ve started going to a Bible study at a higher education facility in my county. It’s pretty chill. 300 Asians and 8 white people cram into a room in the art center for amazing worship. From the name tag greeter people to the music to the preaching, it’s an awesome place to spend my Friday nights. Better than being alone at home watching MacGyver reruns. MUCH better. I bought my first tree on Saturday. It’s a money tree. And no, it’s not the kind with dollar bills pinned to a paper concoction, it’s a real living growing plant that has taken up residence, where else? In my accounting office. The boss says since I keep writing checks, now I’ll have a way to replenish the bank account. Too bad it doesn’t work like that bro… And if you don’t know anything about agriculture (or you haven’t been to Ikea in a while) here’s what I’m talking about. OK, enough sociability for this year… good night

What's up? Definitely not stock prices.

How are things going? For me, they're definitely going. I want to graduate from COC this spring which means taking 24 units in 6 months. Hard, yes. Crazy, probably. But I really don't want to take summer classes and I can't start on another degree until I finish the first one and it's so complicated, just talk to me in person if you really want to know exactly what's going on. I've also started attending Bible study for the first time in almost four years and it has been such a blessing! I love the people and the messages are absolutely wonderful! Granted, he covers more than 1 verse at a time, so he's not exactly John MacArthur, but the pastor does a good job of expounding upon the main points and making it understandable and applicable to college students. Plus it's plain old fun. I went to a football game this Saturday for my best friend's lil brother's team. watching high school football live is so much better than the pro teams on television. Seriously. I'd rather see people that I know and be right there, 20 yards from the action or however close they let you get, screaming at the top of my lungs to block and defend and "hold that line!" It's so fun! Try doing that at home and you'll end up on YouTube or AFV. Life at home is pretty much the same old thing. Juggling homework, chores, babysitting, social activities, and all the other good and not so good stuff that gets thrown at me.

Quote of the Month: October 2008

The offense was so bad, a hug wouldn't do. A handshake wouldn't do. A kiss wouldn't do. "I'm sorry" wouldn't do. DEATH would do.

- Mark Zhakevich, on the benefits of reconciliation. Taken from his sermon The War is Over based on Colossians 1:19-23, specifically verse 20, "and by Him to reconcile all things to Himself, by Him, whether things on earth or things in heaven, having made peace through the blood of His cross." Only the cross or eternity in Hell can pay for sins.

I should be doing homework...

Oh well. I don't like homework. Most of it is stuff I already know, like how to reorient a spreadsheet in Excel, while some of it is very repetitive, like having to find the intervals of 84 pairs of notes. 84! That is just overdoing it. In my perspective anyways.

Mid-terms are coming up. One of mine is a take-home test which totally ROCKS! The other is online, which is basically a take-home as well. SA-WEET! I love take home tests. I'm glad there's no mid-term for volleyball. I'm not too good at sports and I don't think I'd pass the test. I love volleyball though, don't get me wrong. I'm just not good at it. But today, he said we are all improving so that is very encouraging.

A lot of people have been asking about my migraines. I am currently taking medication that is helping to control the amount of headaches I get. The reason I've been having them a lot recently is just poor decisions on my part. Concerts, movies, plays, certain preservatives, and not getting enough sleep all add to the problem, even with the meds. So if you ever see me online at 11pm, tell me to go to bed.

This Wednesday is the Quarter Cookout at COC. My Bible study will be selling food for 25 cents as well as sharing the gospel and inviting people to visit the study that night. It should be a lot of fun! If you live close by, you should drop in, get some food, talk to some students, visit the Bible study, come hang out with me. Well, you don't HAVE to hang out with me but it would be nice :P

All right, I better get back to this Excel stuff before it starts gathering dust. Have a great day, week, month, year, or however long it is until I post yet another exciting episode of 'The Life of Pensador!'

PS - Start thinking now about what you want to get me for Christmas. If I come to your house while I'm trick-or-treating on halloween, I'll give you my wish list. You can never start too early for this kind of stuff you know.... JUST KIDDING!

Quote of the Month: June 2006

"The truth of the Gospel is more important than any man's reputation." Phil Johnson I believe this with all my heart but it is hard to live out. I don't witness to everyone I meet because I don't want to be called a weirdo. As Christians, we need to humble ourselves to the point of death just as our Lord Christ. If we cannot undergo a little shame for the Gospel, how can the Lord entrust us with anything?

Quote of the Month: May 2006

"If you don't want the fruit of sin, get out of sin's garden." Dan Dumas

Quote of the Month: March 2006

"The question isn't why God allowed people to die in a hurricane or a terrorist attack or a war. The question is why does God allow the rest of us to live?" John MacArthur

Quote of the Month: February 2006

"What you are mustn't please you if you are to become what you are not." Rick Holland

Quote of the Month: January 2006

"When Temptation comes, report immediately to the Commander-in-Chief" John MacArthur

Dirty Socks, Clean Socks

Have you ever heard of a guy named John MacArthur? He is my pastor. He also writes books, hosts a radio program, and is president of The Master's College and The Master's Seminary. I've met him a few times at church and at Grace To You. He's always smiling and laughing. He's a great guy. Recently, John has been preaching on several doctrines presented in the Bible on Sunday nights. Recently we studied the spiritual transformation that comes by way of redemption. In Romans, Paul illustrates this concept with the old man/new man contrast. He says that we take off the old man and replace it with the new. Paul does not say to add the new man to what's already there. He says to replace the new for the old. If I'm going to change my socks, I take off the dirty ones before adding the clean. Same with salvation. In order to repent, we must strip off the sins and iniquities of our natural and sinful selves and put on the purity and holiness of our sanctified selves. You don't add Jesus to your life. You MAKE Jesus your life.

Quote of the Month: December 2005

"You will never know that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have." Don Green One cannot fully depend on Christ until one is stripped of all one has. No sinner will come to repentence if he still relies on something. When a sinner comes to a pit where all he has ever held onto, all he's ever trusted, all he's ever hoped in is gone, then, and then alone, can he see his need for a savior.